Thought's on goodness

I think that there are some things in this universe that are moral and some that are meant to mirror the moral truths in a non-moral way. I noticed this evening that there is a moment, a perfect moment, when the twilight is exactly balanced between day and night, light and dark. I thought, “Of course this is the way the twilight works. There must be a transition, as there must be between the seasons of summer and winter, between the temperatures of boiling and freezing.” But something spurred me on. All things are balances, or rather mixtures of two opposites. Atoms contain both positive and negative particles. Human consciousness is made up of good and evil desires. And I realized that this mixing is good. That is why we all exist. As the saying goes, opposites do indeed attract, and without that attraction, we would all simply drift apart into nonexistence.
If God made us so that we are at our best when balanced, He in his perfection must be balanced too. For example, I pondered the first great gift God gave to all of his children—agency. He gave us the freedom to choose. But God did not give us this freedom as an absolute, as we so often speak of it in church. He did not give us freedom always, never to be taken away, for He has taken away the agency of sinners many times. He does so every day. We all may choose each time God gives a command, but if we choose to blatantly disobey, then God takes away that power to choose. He rescinds His gift. Think of Pharaoh in the Old Testament. God commanded him, “Let my people go!” and he refused. He was warned that his refusal would lead to serious consequences, but still he would not obey. Thus, in the end, God destroyed Pharaoh's entire army by drowning them in the Red Sea, leaving Pharaoh without any support structure for his power. Pharaoh could not longer lead, no longer protect his people, and I imagine he fell in favor because he was no longer a person the people could trust and rely upon. Pharaoh could no longer choose to disobey the Lord. He had to let God’s people go.
I think God’s perfection comes not in the form of perfect giving, or perfect maintenance of agency. I think God is perfect because He is perfectly balanced. We know that Satan’s plan was to take away all agency from humans, and we know that this is evil, but imagine a God, a Deist God, who gave agency to His people and then left them to fend for themselves. This kind of God would have been equally as evil, uncaring, and selfish as a God of Satan’s design.
With the Deist God, there would have been no plagues. Moses would not have parted the Red Sea, and the Israelites would have died out in the cruel hands of their Egyptian captors. The key lesson here, at least the key for me, is that all our talk of absolute truth and goodness is faulty. We should not speak in absolutes, because there are none. There I go using absolutes. The problem with recognizing that our existence, our consciousness, even right and wrong are fluid and constantly searching for balance like a half-filled water bottle balancing on its edge, is that it becomes increasingly more difficult to talk about them. Without absolutes, it is nearly impossible to understand our world.
I think this is what I’ve been trying to get at for weeks, the feeling or sensation or realization that reality is something other than what I see with my eyes and understand with my logic. I can sense it sometimes, especially when I am in a very worldly place like the movie theater. I sense that what I am doing is not real, is not what existence is all about. It is the feeling I imagine someone would have in realizing that their heart is keeping them alive. They’ve felt it beating in their chest for so long that it has become guaranteed, expected. It has always been involuntary, but suddenly, there is a moment when they realize that their heart is keeping them alive with all its pounding and squeezing. And if it were to stop, there would not only be no quiet, involuntary thudding in their chest, but they would cease to live, to breath, to exist as well.
Heavenly Father’s existence, His world and the world of the resurrected is real while this world is often, like Plato says, a shadow, and the only way to come close to reality while we live in this life is to act.
I don’t really know how to go on, because “act” doesn’t seem to be quite right. I sense that coming into contact with what is real means movement, but it seems more than just random motion. It must be purposeful, and the purpose must come from each person’s heart and mind, not from someone else or from somewhere else.