I'd like to share something a little bit personal. I discovered about myself today that I really can't respect or abide the act of using destructive substances and such to fill an emotional or spiritual gap. I realized how much my experience in this area still hurts, and how much I want to turn to the Gospel and to my Heavenly Father and Savior specifically to fill an un-fulfilling life (not that my life is un-fulfilling because it's not. I just feel still like I've lost a big part of me and of my life by getting divorced and I'm looking for healthy ways to fill that loss).
My ex, as you know, used an addiction to fill a gap in himself, and blamed me for causing that gap. I get so frustrated now when I see or hear of others doing this kind of thing, whatever the addiction is, because I know that I have no power to fill the gap for that person if they don't want it to be filled. Does this make any sense? The person will the hole in themselves needs to fill the gap in a healthy way or it will consume them. Sorry to be depressing. This is something I've been thinking about. I know that the only way to fill the gap is through Christ.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Stake Women's Conference
This Saturday, I went to my stake's women's conference and it was amazing. The topic was "Be Still My Soul" and the closing song, sung by a men's chorus with orchestra accompaniment, was this hymn. The speaker punctuated her talk about finding peace in trials with music that emphasized her points, and one hymn in particular really resonated with me--Hymn 120, "Lean on My Ample Arm." The hymn was so powerful to me I think because I'd been feeling kind of physcially unloved since my divorce. I miss having someone there to hug and be close to. It was powerful to realize that of course my Savoir has a body like mine and can give me a hug when I need it. He truly did suffer all and has a perfect empathy.
Friday, December 12, 2008
It's so great to read the comments from everyone! Thanks so much. Life is really good right now. I just had my first real concert for the a cappella group I'm in called Sound Circle and it went amazingly. I have to get more people to come to next one. Too bad it's so expensive . . . but such is life. I thought I had more to say than this, but I guess I don't. TTFN!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
The temple again
I'm teaching the Temple Prep class in my ward now and I stumbled upon this passage in the manual. It talks about why we need to attest to our worthiness before both the Bishop and Stake President before entering the temple. I like it because of the way it refers to church authority. The writer trusts and testifies that the Bishop and Stake President are servants of God and speak and act in His name.
"Members seeking a temple recommend must be interviewed by a member of the stake presidency or by the mission president after being interviewed by a member of the bishopric or by the branch president. Some may wonder why this is necessary. When we seek a temple recommend, we are actually seeking permission from the Lord to enter the temple. We have the privilege of attesting to our worthiness before two witnesses who are the Lord's authorized servants. It is a blessing to us to affirm before the Lord's servants our worthiness to enter the holy temple."
It is a privilege and a responsibility to go to the House of the Lord. I'm so grateful for this Celestial place in the midst of our Telestial world.
"Members seeking a temple recommend must be interviewed by a member of the stake presidency or by the mission president after being interviewed by a member of the bishopric or by the branch president. Some may wonder why this is necessary. When we seek a temple recommend, we are actually seeking permission from the Lord to enter the temple. We have the privilege of attesting to our worthiness before two witnesses who are the Lord's authorized servants. It is a blessing to us to affirm before the Lord's servants our worthiness to enter the holy temple."
It is a privilege and a responsibility to go to the House of the Lord. I'm so grateful for this Celestial place in the midst of our Telestial world.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Hey everybody! I'm trying to get back into the blogging. I've definitely been in a slump for a while. I think these last three or four months have been the longest months of my life, but I'm recovering. Now, it's good to be alive. I'm reading this wonderful book on the Temple called Temple Worship by Andrew C. Skinner, and I just want to post a quote:
The Temple is the model of the universe; the temple represents "the principle of ordering the universe"; the temple is where we get our bearings regarding our place in the universe; the temple was and is the center of civilization, or, as Professor Nibley said, "There is no part of our civilization which doesn't have its rise in the temple"; the temple is a tangible symbol of the principle of eternal progression which culminates n godhood; the temple reflects things as they exist in heaven--things as they really are; the temple is where heaven and earth intersect; the temple gives us an eternal perspective on life's challenges; and the temple is the place where eternity becomes reality, where "time, space, and lives are extended."
pg 1-2 of Temple Worship
I've been thinking a lot about the temple and its importance in our lives and in eternity because of the Proposition 8 riots and vandalism that are going on around the country. It would be devistating to lose our access to the House of the Lord. I know that from the feelings I've felt while there. And now I'd like to learn more about the doctrine that goes along with those wonderful feelings. I'll keep posting quotes and thoughts about the temple.
-J
The Temple is the model of the universe; the temple represents "the principle of ordering the universe"; the temple is where we get our bearings regarding our place in the universe; the temple was and is the center of civilization, or, as Professor Nibley said, "There is no part of our civilization which doesn't have its rise in the temple"; the temple is a tangible symbol of the principle of eternal progression which culminates n godhood; the temple reflects things as they exist in heaven--things as they really are; the temple is where heaven and earth intersect; the temple gives us an eternal perspective on life's challenges; and the temple is the place where eternity becomes reality, where "time, space, and lives are extended."
pg 1-2 of Temple Worship
I've been thinking a lot about the temple and its importance in our lives and in eternity because of the Proposition 8 riots and vandalism that are going on around the country. It would be devistating to lose our access to the House of the Lord. I know that from the feelings I've felt while there. And now I'd like to learn more about the doctrine that goes along with those wonderful feelings. I'll keep posting quotes and thoughts about the temple.
-J
Sunday, August 3, 2008
This is Joel's aunt Virginia, who is the coolest aunt ever. Joel's family reunion was so much fun! We played Mafia all night long on Sunday night. We added a ton of characters--a terrorist, a mercenary, a rabi, a nun, a Godfather, and more. It got ridiculous. My favorite game was the one in which I was the terrorist and got to blow two people and myself up randomly by shouting "Allah Akbah" or something. I think I added "Boom!" just to make my intentions clear :) Everyone should have a family like Joel's.
I'm back
So sorry to all the friends I've neglected for the past week! I do have an excuse, a very pathetic one--I had the flu, but now I'm better and I'm missing you all more than ever--especially J,C, and E, who I still need to call back. Sorry again!
So, here's the amusing and slightly sad story. Sunday morning at 3:30am I woke up feeling awful. I couldn't sleep and my stomach was hurting. So I took a hot shower and tried to go back to bed, but it just got worse, so I went into the bathroom where I proceeded to pass out on the floor and when I woke up, I threw up a couple times before feeling better and going back to sleep. Four hours later, I woke up again and felt a ton better. I thought, "Maybe it was just a quick bout of food poisoning or something," but alas, it was not. I got up again (this was about 8:30) and again went into the bathroom where I filled up my waterbottle and began to drink it. About 30 seconds later, I woke up lying in a puddle (from my spilled waterbottle) and thinking about how nice and cool and comfortable the bathroom floor felt except for the fact that my head hurt where I'd hit it when I fell. The saddest part was that I snapped the arm clean off my glasses and broke the frame which is now beyond repair. Oh well. It was an adventure. The rest of the day, my temp remained around 101 degrees and I felt like I was taking drugs. For some reason, the BYU channel on silent was fascinating. I remember thinking, "Oh wonderful! A devotional!" And being utterly blown away by the silent movement of the speakers lips. Then, around 3pm, I found the strength to change the channel to mythbusters--Sharkweek! Which was even more mesmerizing albeit still on silent. That night, I remember my attention being entirely captured by Dorothy's red slippers in The Wizard of Oz and thinking how cool it would be to be a lollipop dwarf or little person, as I guess they like to call themselves these days.
In the end, I think I figured out what it would be like to take drugs and I don't think I'll ever try them. The End.
So, here's the amusing and slightly sad story. Sunday morning at 3:30am I woke up feeling awful. I couldn't sleep and my stomach was hurting. So I took a hot shower and tried to go back to bed, but it just got worse, so I went into the bathroom where I proceeded to pass out on the floor and when I woke up, I threw up a couple times before feeling better and going back to sleep. Four hours later, I woke up again and felt a ton better. I thought, "Maybe it was just a quick bout of food poisoning or something," but alas, it was not. I got up again (this was about 8:30) and again went into the bathroom where I filled up my waterbottle and began to drink it. About 30 seconds later, I woke up lying in a puddle (from my spilled waterbottle) and thinking about how nice and cool and comfortable the bathroom floor felt except for the fact that my head hurt where I'd hit it when I fell. The saddest part was that I snapped the arm clean off my glasses and broke the frame which is now beyond repair. Oh well. It was an adventure. The rest of the day, my temp remained around 101 degrees and I felt like I was taking drugs. For some reason, the BYU channel on silent was fascinating. I remember thinking, "Oh wonderful! A devotional!" And being utterly blown away by the silent movement of the speakers lips. Then, around 3pm, I found the strength to change the channel to mythbusters--Sharkweek! Which was even more mesmerizing albeit still on silent. That night, I remember my attention being entirely captured by Dorothy's red slippers in The Wizard of Oz and thinking how cool it would be to be a lollipop dwarf or little person, as I guess they like to call themselves these days.
In the end, I think I figured out what it would be like to take drugs and I don't think I'll ever try them. The End.
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